How to Deal With Energy Vampires

I was reading an article in Success Magazine recently that gave an example of how to deal with energy vampires at work.

Since I secretly (I guess the cat’s out the bag now though) wanted to be a vampire (like one of the Cullens in the Twilight Series), I knew I had to read the article and see what they were talking about.

I knew immediately that the type of vampire they described was not only one I am not and would never want to become but one which I’ve encountered in my life – and I think we all have!

Types of Energy Vampires

Not all energy vampires are created equal. You’ve got some who purposely look for people to suck energy from. They don’t really care about the effect it has on the other person, as long as they end up feeling better.

Then, there’s the other kind. These people don’t even realize they’re being energy vampires. They lack self-awareness and don’t understand the impact they’re having on others. It’s not always malicious, but it can still be pretty draining for those around them.

What Are the Signs of an Energy Vampire?

Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help.

Aletheia Luna

Energy Vampires (EVs) live among us, look just like us, and can even be some of our closest friends and immediate family members. But that’s where the similarities end.

They’re vampiric M.O. is not to steal our blood; noooooo, they want our precious energy. Our mojo. Our life force.

They want to drain us mentally, physically, and emotionally. They seek pity, attention (especially when not deserved), and are often very cynical and bitter.

They don’t take responsibility for their actions, are never accountable, love misery, and want us to wallow in that same misery with them. Their talent seems to be that they can find the negative in everything and after being around them, our life force seems drained and void of any positivity and optimism we once had. We are left emotionally exhausted!

Does any of this sound familiar? Does anyone come to mind when reading this description???

How Do Energy Vampires Suck You In?

Energy vampires have a knack for drawing people in, often without the person realizing what’s happening. They can be slick and manipulative as well. Here’s how they typically do it:

1. Playing the Victim: Energy vampires often portray themselves as victims who need constant support and attention. They may tell sad stories or express constant complaints about their life, which can make you feel compelled to help or comfort them.
2. Dominating Conversations: Energy vampires frequently dominate conversations, making it all about their experiences, problems, or achievements. This can make you feel like you’re being a good listener or friend, even though the exchange is one-sided.
3. Flattery and Charisma: Some energy vampires can be quite charming and flattering, making you feel special and valued. However, this is often a means to an end, and the energy vampire will eventually shift the focus back to their own needs.
4. Creating Drama: Energy vampires often create drama to draw attention and energy to themselves. This can manifest as frequent crises, conflicts with others, or exaggeration of minor problems.
5. Guilt-Tripping: Energy vampires may use guilt to manipulate you into giving them more attention or energy. They might imply that you’re a bad friend or unkind person if you don’t meet their demands.

How to Deal with Energy Vampires

The first step in dealing with anything is identification. I, for one, know exactly who I have in mind and so as not to bust him out here on the blog (I’ve addressed it with him personally already), I’ll just call him J.

It seems to never fail that when I talk to or be around J, some form of negativity shows up.

Sometimes, when I go away from J, I feel drained. I don’t feel like myself and it’s not a pleasant feeling.

Now that you’ve identified them, don’t continue to buy into their “woe-is-me”-ful ways.

Sometimes, we try to help them, try to be positive for them, and feel pity for them (not knowing this is exactly what they want), and in doing so, we create even bigger monsters. They still find a way to turn situations into something negative.

Avoidance – in my case, I can’t avoid the person. You might be in the same boat. Maybe they’re an immediate family member, a co-worker, etc. If avoidance is not an option, you have to be brave and give it to them straight about how you feel being around them.

In the end, it will work out better for you once you’ve created some rules of engagement and some boundaries.

I’ve had to do this with J because complete avoidance is not an option. I only talk to him or be around when I absolutely have to!

Turn it back to them. Once they’ve whined and complained, ask a question like “So now that you know what the issues are, how are you going to make it better?” or “What ways can you identify making this situation better?“

This can help them at least try to seek solutions. For me, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, I’m outty 5000!

Boundaries – In lieu of completely avoiding someone, decide how much time you’ll actually spend around them at one time and stick to your guns.

If someone gets mad at you for creating a boundary, consider that a good sign that the boundary was necessary.

Jenna Korf

Once that time is up, leave or do whatever you have to do to get away from them. This gets easier for me every time. My time is usually cut to about 20 minutes tops. More than that, I know I won’t be able to take what’s coming!

Note: I’ve even had to ask people J and I are both connected with to not talk about him in my presence because even THAT can be draining for me. Just to see other people sucked into his  “woe-is-me” tales makes me sick.

(NEWLY ADDED) Compassion – In the long run, another way to deal with energy vampires (and other people who are “sick”) is to consider what the Buddhists do and think about it like this: that person is suffering from a sickness embodying all the poor life decisions they’ve made that continues to make them sick.

It’s getting harder and harder for me to be angry and frustrated with J when I’m feeling compassion instead of anger and frustration. These types of people just don’t know they’re sick…

Related Post: How to Deal With Energy Vampires Podcast Episode

How to Stop Being an Energy Vampire?

Now, what if you found yourself in the signs of an energy vampire above? That’s actually a good thing, at least in the context of trying to stop being one!

Recognizing that you might be an energy vampire is the first and most important step towards change. So here are some steps you can take to stop being an energy vampire:

1. Self-Awareness: Be mindful of your actions and how they affect others. Pay attention to how people respond to your behavior. If you notice that people often seem drained or stressed after interacting with you, it might be a sign that you’re behaving as an energy vampire.
2. Empathy: Try to understand others’ feelings and perspectives. Instead of focusing only on your own needs and feelings, try to empathize with others. This can help you to be more considerate of their emotional energy.
3. Positivity: Make an effort to cultivate a more positive attitude. While it’s natural to have negative thoughts or feelings sometimes, constant negativity can be draining for those around you. Try to focus on the positive aspects of situations, and express gratitude for the good things in your life.
4. Active Listening: Instead of dominating conversations, try to listen more. Ask others about their thoughts and feelings, and show genuine interest in their responses. This can help to create a more balanced exchange of energy.
5. Seek Professional Help: If you’re having a hard time changing your behavior, consider seeking help from a professional, such as a psychologist or counselor. They can provide you with strategies and tools to change your behavior and improve your relationships.

FAQs

Over to you…

Do you have any energy vampires in your life? How do you deal with them? Let me know in the comments below?

Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help.

Aletheia Luna