Escape Perfectionism…Signs and Escaping the Trap

Signs You’re a Perfectionist

If you’re a perfectionist, you probably find that it’s a challenging way to live. In most cases, it’s a road to disappointment and dissatisfaction. I’m here to tell ya that this way of living is NOT good for your health!

Hey, I’ve been there. I’m a recovering perfectionist my darn self. And I know all too well how it’s going to play out for you if you continue your perfectionistic ways.

However, the first step for you, my fellow perfectionist, is to admit you have a problem. It will be hard, but repeat after me:

“Hi, my name is [state your name] and I’m a perfectionist.”

I’ll go first.

and I’m a recovering perfectionist now. 🙂

Now, your turn. *patiently awaits*

See, that wasn’t so bad was it?

If you’re still struggling with it, don’t fret. The first step in anything is awareness!

5 Ways to Escape the Need to be Perfect

Did you see yourself in any of the above images??? It’s okay and you know why? Because…

See, our society have led us astray, bamboozled and hoodwinked us into believing that perfection is something we should strive for, seek in others, and internally maintain. Some people even believe it’s a healthy method to goal achievement that produces higher quality outcomes and keeps us striving for higher standards of living.

But when you’re a perfectionist, it turns into an obsession and it seems like nothing can ever be as perfect as you’d like. You know what I’m talking about…where everything you do consists of demanding a higher level of performance than the situation dictates, procrastination sets in because you’re not satisfied enough, and ultimately stalling yourself because it’s NEVER perfect.

The problem with perfection is that it can never be truly attained. So, in pursuing perfection, not only are you doomed to fail, but in the end, you also might have nothing to show for your efforts.

One of my best buds, Andrea Amir, Head Chick in Charge of Smart Money Chicks (and she is a VERY smart cookie I might add) once told me, “Keep trying to be perfect and you’ll never get anything done.“

Pay attention, soon-to-be-recovering-perfectionists! The following tips can help you escape your need to be perfect so you don’t let the pursuit of perfection destroy your happiness, your relationships, and your overall productivity.

1. Give yourself a break. Eliminating the urge to have everything be perfect takes time. It probably won’t happen overnight or you would have done it already. It’s important to set reasonable goals, start slowly and congratulate yourself for each victory, even the teeny tiny ones – especially the teeny tiny ones!
2. Provide everyone else a break, too. You know how perfectionists do…They not only try to be perfect themselves but also expect the same from others which is an ugly attempt to control them. This is when huge disappointment sets in and relationships are lost. Your task: Make others feel great instead of judging them and wanting them to live up to your idea of perfection (which as we know most likely doesn’t exist anyway)!
3. Learn how to see all the variations. Just because something is less than 100% doesn’t mean it equals zero. That’s an overly simplified way of dealing with the world. I see you, perfectionists. *insert eye rolling here* You think that 99% is an epic fail. However, I challenge you to avoid viewing everything as all-or-nothing. Learn to understand when something is good enough and then move on to the next thing. Spending more time or effort than necessary is far from being perfect. If you think about it, perfectionism is a way of being excessive and inefficient.
4. Realize that most mistakes aren’t fatal. Nearly any mistake can be rectified. When things go in an unplanned direction, go with the flow. This can be challenging for a perfectionist. So here’s what you can do: Avoid letting your emotions lead you to a negative, unproductive state when a “mistake” is made. Instead, be proactive and start coming up with solutions that will still take you to your goal. They may include a temporary detour, or take longer than originally planned, but the end result will be worth it.
5. Don’t use perfectionism as a way to procrastinate. Now THIS was my Achilles’ heel! I used to put off sooooo much stuff because I thought it wasn’t good enough. “It could be better,” I’d say. But guess what? All those years of putting stuff off because I kept thinking it could be better had halted my progress. I’ve found though that getting started and making a few mistakes is preferable to doing nothing at all.

Perfection vs Productivity

So I want to touch on something else important for perfectionists to realize.

Remove the idea of perfection from your mind and you’ll see your productivity ramp up! For example, an average written, but complete, book can be published. But a perfectly composed book that’s only half finished is essentially worthless. Of course, there’s a middle ground between average and perfect. And that terrain includes being productive and pursuing excellence.

Peter Bregman stated this in an article he authored in the Harvard Business Review online…

But the world doesn’t reward perfection. It rewards productivity. And productivity can only be achieved through imperfection. Make a decision. Follow through. Learn from the outcome. Repeat over and over and over again. It’s the scientific method of trial and error. Only by wading through the imperfect can we begin to achieve glimpses of the perfect.

Peter Bregman

Rebecca Knight, also on Harvard Business Review Online about perfectionism had this to say and I totally agree…

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can motivate you to perform at a high level and deliver top-quality work. On the other hand, it can cause you unnecessary anxiety and slow you down.

Rebecca Knight

What It Means to Pursue Excellence Instead of Perfection

There’s a huge difference between doing something well and doing it perfectly. Attempting to be perfect results in feelings of inadequacy and interferes with completing projects. Excellence, on the other hand, is attainable and is always more than good enough.

So what does pursuing excellence have to do anything? You might think if you strive for perfection on everything you do, you’ll at least make it close to your goal right?

Not exactly. See, obsessive perfectionism is frequently a sign of being overly concerned with prestige, material possessions, someone else’s expectations and ideas of perfect and other external factors that are prone to change. Those are things that have nothing to do with your own potential, skills, or knowledge.

So when shift your focus from perfection to excellence, you know that whatever task you set out to do will be completed at a high enough level so that there’s no cause for concern. You know your work will always meet whatever requirements you put upon it before starting it.

Quick story: my 14 year old niece somehow got it in her head (like I don’t know where she gets it from!) that getting anything less than a B is failure and she stresses out about it. So I sat her down one day and told her this:

I love you and am proud of you and will support you so you can succeed in anything you want to do. Always remember this: as long as you do your VERY BEST, you are winning and have done enough. You can’t do MORE than your best. So if you get a C on a test and you know you studied hard, that’s a well earned C in my book! Don’t fret about it. Feel good knowing that you put your best foot forward and move on.

Note: I’ve had to have this same conversation with myself at times! A lot of times we have to stand up to ourselves against negative self-talk when we are our own bully.

Pursuing excellence is about accepting your human-ness (you’re not a robot after all!) and knowing you’re not always in control of outcomes.

Create Your Own Level of Excellence

When my niece and nephew came to live with me, it was an uphill battle trying to get them to be neat freaks like myself. Their rooms wouldn’t be as tidy as I’d like, kitchen counters were not always wiped off, and a host of other “little” things that would turn into big things in my head.

But then I *finally* decided that I have to set a level of excellence for how things should be done – not just for me but for them as well.

So instead of my nit-picking over every little thing, I accepted that they were teens and not everything is going to be in place perfectly. So we set a level for how their rooms should look on the regular, the least amount of things to be done when it was their turn to clean the kitchen, etc. This way, we were all on the same page and I wasn’t stressing out about things not being “perfect.”

Now YOU have to do the same and commit to a level of excellence you wish to have BEFORE getting started on anything.

Once the proper level has been set, you now have a target, a goal that’s been chosen with some thought and intelligence.

Then, simply perform the task to that level and stop. That task is completed, and it’s time to do something else.

Obviously, doing something more specialized like surgery or using heavy machinery would require a higher level of excellence and precision than vacuuming or making beds but as long as you have some type of idea of how you want things to turn out, you can withstand a little give and take and won’t end up with an angry household and lots of migraines!

Don’t just read the quotes below. Breathe them in. Own them. Embody them. They will help you reap the benefits of imperfectionism!

Done is better than perfect.

Sheryl Sandberg

If you’ve waited to do something until it was 100% ‘ready,’ then you’ve waited FAR too long!

Kesha Brown

Affirmations for Perfectionists

“I let go of perfection because I know I can always tweak things as I go.”

“I am an action taker, and I follow through on the things I start to the best of my ability.”

“I am comfortable with the idea that it’s okay to show work that’s in progress.”

“Imperfection is a part of all processes of life and it makes me a better person.”

“My goal is to seek wisdom, not perfection.”

Over to you…

Can you see how living the perfectionist’s lifestyle can negatively impact your life? There’s nothing wrong with perfectionist tendencies, as most of us have them, but you have to learn to let go of your need to be perfect all the time.

As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve realized that striving for perfection kills success! Giving up a habit of pursuing perfection might seem challenging at first but think about it like this: when you pursue excellence instead, you’ll be happier, more productive, and you’ll maintain your sanity much more easily!

Also, it’s actually easier to pursue excellence when you set realistic goals. So I keep the following mental notes highlighted in my head at all times:

• Always do my best
• Decide on a level of excellence before starting anything
• Show up, get ish done, and enjoy the journey!

So what have you learned? What will you do differently now to get control of your perfectionistic tendencies? Chime in below!