S1E4 – Escape Your Inner Bully (and how to handle her instead)

Your inner bully has gotten out of control. Let's fix that! #iEscapeNormal Share on X

Escape Your Inner Bully

Do you ever get tired of that nagging voice inside that beats you up, tells you lies, causes you to believe all types of craziness and is oh so delusional?

Well, that’s your inner critic or inner bully if you will. She has a way of expressing herself that isn’t always good.

So today, we discuss who your inner bully is, why she exists, what she really wants, and how to transform her into your inner BFF.

Notes with Time Stamps

• Before you can escape your inner bully, you have to understand the current situation [3:07]
• 7 types of inner critics [5:39] (see below for more details of each one)
• Naming your inner bully and why [10:22]
• The ONE thing your inner bully really wants [12:47]
• The most abusive relationship? [14:26]
• Creating your new inner BFF [14:55]
• Rebel Reflection [21:02]

7 Types of Inner Critics

Here’s how you can find out what personality your inner critic has as defined by psychologist Dr. Jay Earley. So let’s see who you’re working with.

1. Perfectionist
   This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly. It sets high standards for the things your produce and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent your best work. It tries to make sure that you fit in and that you will not be judged or rejected. Its expectations probably reflect those of people who have been important to you in the past.
2. Guilt-Tripper
   This critic is stuck in the past. It is unable to forgive you for wrongs you have done or people you have hurt. It is concerned about relationships and holds you to standards of behavior prescribed by your community, culture and family It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never forget or feel free.
3. Underminer
   This critic tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you won’t take risks. It makes direct attacks on your self-worth so that you will stay small and not take chances where you could be hurt or rejected. It is afraid of your being too big or too visible and not being able to tolerate judgment or failure.
4. Destroyer
   It makes pervasive attacks on your fundamental self-worth. It shames you and makes you feel inherently flawed and not entitled to basic understanding or respect. This most debilitating critic comes from early life deprivation or trauma. It is motivated by a belief that it is safer not to exist.
5. Molder
   This critic tries to get you to fit into a certain mold based on standards held by society, your culture or your family. It wants you to be liked and admired and to protect you from being abandoned, shamed or rejected.The Molder fears that the Rebel or the Free Spirit in you would act in ways that are unacceptable. So it keeps you from being in touch with and expressing your true nature.
6. Taskmaster
   This critic wants you to work hard and be successful. It fears that you may be mediocre or lazy and will be judged a failure if it does not push you to keep going. Its pushing often activates a procrastinator or a rebel that fights against its harsh dictates.
7. Inner Controller
   This critic tries to control your impulses: eating, drinking, sexual activity, etc. It is polarized with an Indulger –addict who it fears can get out of control at any moment. It tends to be harsh and shaming in an effort to protect you from yourself. It is motivated to try to make you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society.

Over to you…

Thank ya oodles for listening! Did you identify with any of the 7 types of inner critics above? How do you feel? What are some things you’re going to do to escape your inner bully? Let me know in the comments!

Resources

Take this quiz to determine what inner critic you have.

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